Over 100 presentations indexed for easy access!
A nearly-complete list of Nookie's presentations available as replays. 

Consent for Regular Dudes:
A Conversation between Nookie and HiThereCatsuit

More than Yes or No, September 2020

Kickoff! Breakfast Chat with Nookie

More than Yes or No, September 2020

When Your Consent is Violated
A Discussion Between Woody of KinkyCast & Nookie

More than Yes or No, September 2020

Defuckify Your Dating, Part 1

Kinky Dating Something Something & Love Blah Blah Blah Event, January 2021

Defuckify Your Dating, Part 2

Kinky Dating Something Something & Love Blah Blah Blah Event, January 2021

Microbranding: Burning Art Into Flesh

All About Play, November 2021

Nonnomo Breakfast

It's Not Cheating, June 2020

Venus Cuckoldress & Nookie Compare & Contrast Cuckolding and Other Forms of Nonmonogamy

It's Not Cheating, June 2020

I Do What I Want (And You Can, Too!)

It's Not Cheating, January 2023

Asymmetrical Nonmonogamy: What Makes It Work, & How to Keep It Ethical

It's Not Cheating, January 2023

Boundaries in Nonmonogamy: Two (or three or four) DON'T Become One, and That's OK!

It's Not Cheating, January 2023

How NOT 2 Pick Up a FemDom on the Interwebz

Join Nookie as she amuses and educates by teaching you all the best ways of “How NOT 2 Pick Up A FemDom On The Interwebz.” We’ll touch on the best of the best: 

  • Telling a FemDom She’s Not Real To Maintain Your Sense Of Power
  • Offering Immediate Sexual Favors Before The Introduction (And Hopefully Before She Realizes What A Tool You Really Are)
  • Whining About How You Deserve A Chance To Serve Her, Since No One Else Has (Yet) Been Willing To Put Up With Your Pustulence
  • Explaining Her Favorite Kinks To Her Patiently, Until She Sees It Your Way
  • Calling Her “Goddess” and Bad Cybering To Show Your Utter Desire To Serve: *crawls on belly to lick your feet*
  • And More! 

You are 100% guaranteed to repulse EVERY FemDom you approach with the arsenal at your disposal. 

Even ONE of these, deployed properly can close and lock even the most accepting “pussy gates” forever. And, of course, we’ll talk about how to actually NOT do these things, and actually meet amazing, interesting, caring, fun and REAL FemDoms online. If you want to do something as boring as all that.

The (Anti) Won Twoo Way

Nookie has spent her life campaigning against the idea that there is Won Twoo Way in any kink, sexuality, or relationship style. In this virtual presentation, she’ll discuss nonmonogamy in all it’s amazing variety and how to start building YOUR unique nonmonogamous identity (or not, even nonmonogamy is not the Won Twoo Way!) in the same way you build consent: with an informed mind, an enthusiatic heart and an ethical soul.  

Ethical Non-Monogamy: As Easy as 1-2-3-10?

Miss Nookie is our host for the September edition of the Nonmonogamunch! She will share the top ten questions people interested in non-monogamy ask, and she'll answer them. She will also cover relationship styles (and how to choose what's best for you), jealousy (the good, the bad, and the ugly), communication (and negotiating your communication needs), scheduling (including downtime), dating (Where do I find?) and more.

Speaking Kinkly, Opening Up

How do you have THAT conversation? How do you know who to trust? Being open and authentic in your communication makes a HUGE difference, and I'll be talking about how to make that happen, signs it's time to trust, and how to take baby steps towards freeing yourself and your partner(s) to have the conversations you want and need to have. How do you have THAT conversation? How do you know who to trust? Being open and authentic in your communication makes a HUGE difference, and I'll be talking about how to make that happen, signs it's time to trust, and how to take baby steps towards freeing yourself and your partner(s) to have the conversations you want and need to have. 

What Does Kink Mean to Me?
(A Panel with Apple, Lady Grace Persephone, Nookie, and Piandao)

February, 2020

No O', No Mo'!

We’re talking about O’s Ohs and Ohhhhhhhs. Orgasms and all the things that make you feel good (if you orgasm, great! If you don’t, that’s OK, too—this is about what you want and need to feel your best in bed and during sexy times). We’re going to discuss how to choose the right partners for pleasure, how to learn our bodies to maximize deliciousness, and how to communicate what we want and need in bed. So, from now on, if they give no O, they get no mo.  

Finding Your YOU

I recently saw a post on Facebook that said: 

toxic relationships rly give you so much baggage for future relationships like how do I be a girlfriend anymore?? what should my expectations be?? what is reasonable and what is crazy?? when am I being wary for the right reasons?? my judgement is broken lol 

Girlfriend, boyfriend or date mate, when you’ve repressed yourself to please others, when you’ve been told that you’re not good enough, unrealistic, too...whatever. It’s easy to lose touch with YOU. 

In this online class, we'll discuss how to determine what is YOU and what you allowed others to mold you into. I'll discuss tools on how to re-grow your confidence in your own feelings and how to honor your needs. We'll talk about boundaries and how to set and maintain them, and how to use friends for reality checks, without using them for therapy. 

Let's work together to find your YOU again.

Talk Dirty to Me

All about the dirty talk! I'll discuss ideas on what to talk about, some notes on words to use (and not to use), and most importantly, how to get started, when you feel super-awk. Been there, done that, won the trophy. And if I can get over it, you can, too. 

The Alpha Submissive (Learn to Yield Your Strength)

We will celebrate and discuss the fun challenges of those submissives who habitually take charge, take over, and (sometimes) take down from the dominance and submission perspective. 

I will not pull any punches here. In fact, there’s a joke in certain circles about dominants taking this class with their sub, and their faces growing increasingly worried as I talk through what it means to be and to be with an alpha sub. 

LOL! 

Not all doms are cut out for these powerful humans, and yet, they are my favorites. 

I’ll be talking about how to maintain that power, while also learning to give yourself to the right person—and how to be the right person for them to trust. 

Cuckolding: A Modern Look at an Ancient Fetish

Cuckolding is a hot trend online these days, but is it a viable kink? I'll give an enthusiastic YES! Not only is it a fun fetish for cuck and cuckoldress, but it actually enhances intimacy, love, creativity and fun in your relationship. Based on my popular 2 1/2 month online course, this class covers setting ground rules, finding a bull, creating an amazing cuckolding relationship and trouble shooting.

How to Game the System and Make Dating Fun

The odds of meeting the perfect (for you) kinky boopsie is one in 1,712,472 =/-20%. 

Really, from a purely numbers standpoint, the odds are against all of us. 

In this webinar, I’ll talk about the state of kinky dating today (online and off), and how you can help yourself and increase your chances of connecting with the amazing kinky person/people you need in your life. I’ll make suggestions on how to make dating a more enjoyable process, and how to quickly and effectively sort through your options (and to create more options, when it seems like there are none). 

I’ve been online connecting with people in kinky sites, bulletin boards and more since 1994. 

There is a trick to attracting the right people (besides just being HAWT—that attracts only a certain type of person), and you CAN do it.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do! Part 1

In this two-part series, we’ll take an in-depth look at breaking up a relationship and recovering from the break up. Part 1, is all about how to break up with someone. And yeah, you can just text them “I’m breaking up with you,” then block them everywhere and go on about your merry way. That’s valid. I’ll be going a bit deeper into the conversations around breaking up, how to breakup doing as little harm as possible, and how to be a good ex-partner as the break-ee. 

The New Year's No Regrets Challenge

It’s a new year, and this year the ONLY resolution that matters is that you live a life of No Regrets! We’ll be kicking off the challenge on January 2 in the evening, and we’ll together and challenge each other through 12 months (!!) of No Regrets!

Kink and Cuckolding: Examining the Venn Diagram
(With Mistress K)

In this episode, Miss Nookie teams up with her good friend (and fellow cuckoldress) Mistress K for a discussion about Kink and Cuckolding. They will discuss where and how these two aspects intersect in broad terms, and then will take a deeper dive into how specific kinks lend themselves to being mingled with Cuckolding.

Accept Love, Take No Shit

It's a common belief that to be loved requires conforming to others desires and wants and needs. So many people make the mistake of putting up with [fill-in-the-blank whatever] to get love, affection, or [fill-in-the-blank whatever else].

In this presentation, Nookie will be making the case for the opposite.

That being your authentic self, and advocating for what YOU want and need is the first step to deep love and connection with others.

She'll discuss:

  • Boundaries (a personal favorite!) and why they matter.
  • How to speak FOR YOURSELF (it's amazingly difficult the way most of us are raised).
  • Questions to ask yourself to find that authenticity you may have misplaced.
  • How to encourage others in their authenticity with you.
  • How to accept the love you want and deserve.
  • And more.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do! Part 2: Recovering from a Breakup

It sucks to be broken up with. Majorly. 

It's rarely something that you want, even if maybe you kinda did. And when it happens, well, it stirs up a lot of ick inside. Feelings of unworthiness, anger, spite...and how we choose to act towards ourselves and others when it happens matters. We'll talk about mourning the relationship you dreamed of, taking care of you, and choosing how to treat others (and NOT just your ex!) to grow and heal.

Boundaries Are Sexy AF!

This will be formatted more like a workshop. We'll discuss what boundaries are for a short period, then we are going to dig into the types of boundaries you can set, and ask the tough questions to get you thinking. Bring your pencil/pen and paper and if you can, bring your partners and your friends!

Using Our "Darker" or Negative Emotions As a Force for Good.

Anger, fear, lust, jealousy, meanness—all of these are important to our minds and bodies. And while we tend to think of them as “negative,” they are not. They are just like every other emotion: tools to learn more about ourselves and what we want and need from life and love (and kink!). In this presentation, we will be exploring how to harness these emotions as a force of intensity and passion, for catharsis and deeper understanding, and, well, how to turn up the temperature to SMOKIN’ HAWT!

Lucky in Love

Actually, both luck (chance) and skill combine to increase potential in love and life (and kink). In this presentation, I'm going to talk about the science of luck (yes, it exists!), and how to make the most of all your opportunities (and make more) to connect with the kinky boopsie of your dreams!

First Steps Into Nonmonogamy

So, you're curious about nonmonogamy, eh? 

Good for you. Let me tell you first, it's not for everyone, and that most people (even when it is for them) make A LOT of mistakes at the beginning. And frankly. most of us just muddle our way through, eventually finding our groove (until something REALLY comes at us from left field—about every three weeks, LOL!). 

In this presentation, I'll share the most important lessons I wish I'd learned as a newbie stepping in, and give you a guide to taking those first steps, whether you are currently partnered or going it solo.

That Feels Good! Sensual touch.

Miss Nookie will be discussing sensual touch, and how to use it: 

  • In scenes 
  • To increase intimacy 
  • To show love 
  • To relax 

She'll also be taking your questions.

LDR+Ds! (Long-Distance Relationships + Dynamics) Making the most of the miles.

  • How to start a dynamic while LD
  • How to grow a dynamic while LD
  • How to maintain a dynamic while LD
  • How to keep a dynamic interesting and fresh while LD
  • Troubleshooting LD issue in your dynamic

Because I said so! Introducing FLR, FemDom, or Women In Charge to your relationship. 

Nookie discusses all the relationship styles where the woman takes the lead. 

  • How to start a woman-led relationship 
  • Challenges of women-led relationships 
  • The joys of women-led relationships

I’m ALMOST There! Edging in kinky sex play. 

  • Why even? 
  • When NOT to practice edging 
  • Techniques and suggestions 
  • Creative ideas

Meetups and munches and Sloshes, oh my! How to start one, how to find one, etiquette, etc. 

It can be awkward, intimidating, and downright scary, but it SO WORTH IT. Join Nookie as she talks about how to meet kinky people IRL (in real life), how to know what to wear, what to say, what to do, and even how to run your own event, if you're so inclined.

Fetishes

  • What are they really? 
  • What’s the difference between a fetish and a kink and...
  • Why does it matter?

Ouch! That STILL Hurts! Navigating trauma in and out of kink.

How trauma can affect how we interact (or IF we interact) with others, and some of the best practices for navigating trauma, learning to work with it and around it, and talking about it with your kinky partners.

Playing It Safe: Safety in the kink scene.

How to make what we do in kink saf(ER). We walk a lot of really fine edges when it comes to our kinky pleasure, and knowing what we can do to be as safe as possible and make informed decisions matters. 

  • Meeting saf(ER) 
  • Negotiating saf(ER) 
  • Playing saf(ER)

Kinky Coming Out: Talking with vanilla loved ones about kink.

How to talk to non-kinky folk in your life about kink.

  • Suggestions on words and examples to use
  • Ideas on "setting the stage" for "the talk."
  • What to do when the conversation goes sideways

Oh Captain, My Captain! Finding a mentor or teacher in the lifestyle (who won’t take advantage)

Mentoring: How to find the right person (or people, as she'll explain) to learn from and grow with.

  • Communicating with a potential mentor
  • Asking good questions
  • To sex or not to sex?
  • What does being taken advantage of even look like?

What Do You Want For Kinkmas? Let’s talk kinky toys! I’ll share my favorites, and bring your own suggestions we’ll learn from each other!

Toys! She'll start with a few basics of care and cleaning, then will show of some of her favorites and ask you to bring pictures and information of YOUR favorite toys to share as well.

I LOVE ME! Learning ways to gain confidence, to love yourself more, and to feel at home and comfy in your own skin.

Self-love. Which is not the same as self-confidence, but provides a foundation for building self-confidence and feeling at home in your physical, intellectual, and emotional self.

Nonmonogamy: The Single MOST Important Piece of Advice I’ve ever Received and How to Implement It.

I was given my BEST nonmonogamy advice (actually life/relationship advice) one evening at the kitchen table with my step mother, while my husband and father watched yet another kung fu movie in the living room. It took years for it to sink in, and I’m still mining that conversation for gold (probably way more than Marsha intended, LOL!). I’ll share it with you, and discuss how a few simple shifts in thought patterns can make a HUGE difference in all your loves.

Protocol 101: Even for people who hate protocol!

About 8 years ago, a friend of mine asked me to take her place teaching for a kink event. The subject: Protocol. Ugh. What? I don't even DO protocol, really. Except I do. Just not how most people think of it. We'll discuss what protocol is, rituals, habits, and how to integrate these into your power dynamics and relationships—even if you've never been a fan of protocol before.

Finding YOUR Dominance Style (for FemDoms & more)!

Dominance. There are a lot of misconceptions floating around. Like that certain acts are dominant and others are not, for example. In this class, we'll discuss the core of dominance, how to nurture it in yourself, and look at developing your personal style of dominance. In this presentation, a special emphasis will be on dominance that doesn't necessarily fit perfectly into the tropes we see online, like FemDoms, QueerDoms, SofterDoms, HumorDoms, and more.

When (not if) They Lie: Lies and lying in relationships.

If you interact with people, you’ll be lied to. That’s a fact of life. And you’ll lie, too. To yourself and to others. Once we all realize and accept that it’s GONNA happen, we can start the work of really knowing what to do with lies and liars (like more than once in a while, white liars), and creating a path towards trust and deeper love in our lives.

How About We…? Negotiating your relationships and dynamics for the Sweet Spot

Negotiation in kink is talked about a lot, so why another presentation? BORRRRRING! But wait! This is different! In this presentation, we’ll bypass the scene negotiation, and get into the really juicy stuff: Negotiation your dynamics and relationships, and finding the SWEET SPOT. What’s the sweet spot? Oh, that’s where what you want and what they want overlap, like a Venn diagram. It’s a good-good, and you definitely wanna be there.

Compersion! The Magic Pill? No.

People talk about compersion like it's a magic pill or a panacea. And it's not. It will not solve all your issues. It is, however, an amazing tool to have in your emotional toolbox, and comes in a variety of flavors that ANYONE can try out and enjoy. And once you really grok one flavor, the rest might just come easier. Oh, and a little secret...compersion is NOT just for the nonmonogamy crowd!

Stand Out From the Crowd: Using Dating Apps & Communities to Make Connections

No Regrets Lifestyle: Revisited

My No Regrets lifestyle is the overall philosophy that guides my life. Communication matters, love matters, boundaries matter—but No Regrets is what DRIVES me to learn and do all of those things to live my most authentic life all the time. In this reprise, nearly a year after the Jan 2022 presentation, I'll teach you ALL the basics, and show you how it ties into EVERYTHING you do (if you let it), to build an amazing life of NO REGRETS.

I’ve Got it in Writing! Contracts For Power Exchange Lifestyles

One of my favorite classes to teach is "Living contracts for Your Power Dynamic," because I have OPINIONS, LOL! So, when lifestyle contracts was one of the suggestions for this year's Kinkmas topics, I crossed my fingers. In this class, we'll talk about contracts, what they are, what they aren't, and how to create contracts that SERVE you and your relationships, and not ones that box you in.

Kinky Coming Out:
Talking with vanilla loved ones about kink. 

"They just won't understand!" You may be right. OR, you may just need a few tips of how to frame your kink for them to "get it" and be happy for you. In this presentation, we'll discuss some different phrasing, examples, and also (importantly!) how to hold your boundaries during the conversation for the best results possible for all of you!

Start with No: For those who give too much

I first extolled this theory in many a conversation (often walking and talking with friends). Then, I wrote a short article, and posted a podcast episode. Then, the idea was expanded as a chapter in my new book (currently writing) about boundaries. And I'm planning a short introductory booklet to boundaries with the same title. And that should tell you how important I think this concept is (and how much thought I've given it and feedback I've gotten). Let's spend some time together talking about how to stop giving too much of ourselves, by starting with no.

Gaslighting, Manipulation, and Scunnery of the Worst Sorts

It was gonna be a chapter in my boundaries book (currently being written), but there was SO MUCH to say that it's going to be a book all it's own. I posted a about gaslighting a while back, asking what you wanted to know, and got a TON of amazing questions. In this presentation, I'll cover some of the basics of gaslighting, manipulation, and scunnery (loathsome, horrible behavior), how to spot it (or not—that's not the important part, really), and how to avoid it and eliminate it from your life (THAT's the important part!). We're gonna get deep, and some of the answers will probably surprise you—be ready for an amazing dive into the worst parts of relationships—and your emergence into sunlight and trust and LOVE.

Have you ever wanted to kick a puppy?

I like to ask shocking questions sometimes, to make a point. 
 
Content Warning: I’ll be making my point using animal and child abuse as examples. PLEASE do not attend if you feel like this will negatively impact your mental well-being.

I get a lot of horrified looks when I do ask, and some people actually physically shy away from me like I’ve just morphed into a monster, right before their eyes. 

In addition to looking absolutely horrified, every single person has answered no. (This is GOOD!) Today, we're going to be talking about how not wanting to harm a puppy and not wanting to do other things means we don't do them. But how there are things we do want to do in our relationships that perhaps we should reconsider, and not want them (and not do them) as much as we don't want and don't kick puppies. 

I'll be talking about boundaries and ethics and how we treat others (and allow ourselves to be treated), based on the book I'm currently writing on how to build better relationships through discovering, creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Your THREE Emotional Brains + Q&A 

How your Drive Brain, Safe Brain and Threat Brain affect your boundaries—especially emotional boundaries.

Boundaries Are Sexy AF

I presented Boundaries are Sexy AF as part of a fundraiser for reproductive rights. Here is the replay. *smiles*

Boundaries & Ethics: Discussion + Q&A

Boundaries are how you allow others to treat you. Ethics are how you treat others.

Soft Boundaries are NOT Your Fault: Discussion & Q&A

Many of us have grown up with fuzzy boundaries. Very, very few people are taught healthy boundaries at all.

They are not your fault, but they are your responsibility!

Physical Boundaries: Discussion & Q&A

Personal space and physical touch. Related to sexual boundaries, but span more than just sexual intimacy and interaction.

The Sweet Spot: Discussion + Q&A

The sweet spot is where who you are and what you want overlaps who they are and what they want. I'll be answered questions about finding your sweet spot with the people in your life.

Time Boundaries Discussion + Q&A

How do you protect your time, make sure you get enough rest, prioritize the people you love and enjoy your career?  

They may be right, Discussion + Q&A

A lot of people have told you that you are too…something. They may be right, but they are not RIGHT. I'll be talking about why this matters (and when it doesn't) and answering your questions. 

Boundaries & trust are symbiotic!

People tend to think trust is ‘what others do.’ I don’t. At least not most of it. Maybe 1%, maybe 10% of trust to me, is what people do. The actions they take, their words or their truths. That’s TRUST, and it’s usually built up only over time. The rest, that 90% or 99%? That’s all me—or all you. That’s basic trust. And it's all about having healthy boundaries.

Boundaries are NOT manipulation!

Manipulation comes from a desire to make others act the way we want them to act. To have more control over our world.

Manipulation places the blame and the burden of change onto the other, whereas boundaries are about you taking responsibility for your own needs.

Building better boundaries is about reducing the ways that others can manipulate and control us in our relationships, and honor others' boundaries is about giving up trying to control another adult human.

Material Boundaries: Stuff. Money. Things!

Material boundaries are about the things we own and care about.

Our homes, furniture, and favorite jeans are all things that we lay claim to.

And boy, are humans all about laying claim.

“Our table” in a restaurant.

Or seat at a bar.

That last cookie we’ve been eying standing in line that the person just before us nabs. Ouch.

And money.

Ooh la la! Sexual Boundaries

Sexual boundaries are what most people think of when they think of boundaries and consent in relationships, and they are what most people are familiar with.

But are they really understood?

Really, really?

Well, let’s start with one simple question: What is sex? Can you define it? Do you think that your definition is the same as your partner's, or the people you interact with (or HOPE) to interact with sexually?

Do you put yourself first?

It probably feels out-of-character to make your heart and mind a priority. To develop only relationships that fit into the sweet spot, and that prioritize what you want. Especially if you grew up trying to anticipate and fulfill everyone else’s needs and wants, acting a certain way, wearing this, don’t say that, and on and on.

Maybe because you’re a pleaser.

Maybe you were socialized to believe that your worth is directly tied to how much you can give people.

Maybe because of trauma.

Whatever the reason, for some people (many people), putting themselves first is hard.

Boundaries are not Rejection—They are opportunity!

It's SOOOO easy to feel rejected when someone sets a boundary. We've all done it. In this live event, I talk about reframing those experiences in various ways, and understanding what it means for someone to set a boundary, and how to lean into the boundary experience from both sides!  

Covert contracts are ruining your relationships! Understanding boundaries in Relationships

Covert contracts are ruining your relationships. (And better boundaries can save you!) 

Have you have heard of covert contracts? They’re the unspoken expectations that we have going into a relationship where we start doing things for others, believing that by doing things for them, they will then do things for us. 

And they will ruin every relationship that you allow them to sneak into. I'll be answering your questions about setting better boundaries against covert contracts, based on the book I'm currently writing on how to build better relationships through discovering, creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Setting Emotional Boundaries: Separating yourself from others

It's all about protecting your mental well-being and separating yourself from others to choose who is really worth exposing your feelings to. I'll be answering your questions about setting emotional boundaries, based on the book I'm currently writing on how to build better relationships through discovering, creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.

What is YOU in a relationship? What is NOT You?

It's all about protecting your mental well-being and separating yourself from others to choose who is really worth exposing your feelings to.

I'll be answering your questions about setting emotional boundaries, based on the book I'm currently writing on how to build better relationships through discovering, creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Noncompromiseables. Do you have them? What are they?

So the best question to ask yourself about a relationship (especially in the early stages) is not: 

“Does this check all my boxes?” 

But instead: 

“Are any of my noncompromisables violated?” 

Because that is a fast and easy way to know whether it’s worth moving forward with someone. Noncompromisables are the things that without them in your relationship, you are pretty much guaranteed stress, strife, unhappiness, and quite possibly depression, insecurity, and unbecoming behaviors. These are things that no amount of work on your relationship, communication, compromise (ewww!), or maturity can fix. I'll be answering your questions about discovering and setting your noncompromiseables in your relationships, based on the book I'm currently writing on how to build better relationships through discovering, creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.

What is TOXIC, anyway? Boundaries and abuse in relationships.

You can label people: good, bad, pretty, ugly, smart, sexy, damaged, toxic, odd... 

Whatever. 

 I’m sure you’ve been labeled at least half of those things at some point in your life. I’ve been labeled all of them, and quite a few more that even I would hesitate to put into print. 

And I’m not going to say I don’t label people casually like that. If I did, that would be a lie. However, the key is to understand that we use labels to describe an EXPERIENCE of the person, not the person themselves. 

You used to be so nice: The guilt of setting boundaries!

“You used to be so nice.” “No, Sandra, what I used to be was a pushover with crappy boundaries, and I let you walk all over me, and you loved that about me.” 

When you start setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, some people will try to guilt you. Don’t let them.

Do you live for their acceptance? 
Boundaries and Self-Esteem

“If you live for people's acceptance, you will die from their rejection.” —LeCrae 

People with healthy emotional boundaries enjoy and respect their own thoughts and feelings, and give themselves space to experience them. 

People with unhealthy boundaries, however, don’t get to really enjoy their crushes, because feelings like that are tied to their deep fear of rejection. 

"It's okay." (It was most definitely NOT okay.)

“It’s okay.”

One of the most damaging phrases to boundaries ever invented. The harm these two words (or any variation thereof) have allowed people to do to themselves and to their relationships cannot be overstated.

In the Lies & Lying chapter in the book I'm writing, I’ll be sharing how lies damage boundaries from inside and out, even “little white lies.” And “It’s okay,” is one of the most powerful and harmful little white lies ever. 

The four stages of setting boundaries...

It’s not easy.

And you WILL make mistakes. But the mistakes aren’t forever, and you’ll get better. 

Let's talk about the four stages of learning and mastery, and how to recognize and appreciate your progress.

Asking Your Partner(s) About Boundaries (And Getting Answers!)

How do you encourage your partner(s) to set and communicate healthy boundaries for your relationship? 

One of my readers asked: 

"I frequently come across play partners that don't have many personal boundaries with me. They trust that i would ask before doing something, which is understandable. It always seems like my partners don't voice many boundaries, and I discuss mine. They're okay with me going further than my own boundaries but don't push it (so that's good). It makes me feel uneasy when people don't voice boundaries, but what do I do with that feeling in these situations?" 

I'll be talking about how modeling behavior, and using curiouser language can help make people feel comfortable sharing their boundaries with you, in any/every situation. 

BONUS: By encouraging your partners to set and maintain healthy boundaries for themselves, you will also likely find that they are more interested in and understanding of yours!

Having Tough Conversations: Communicating In Relationships

"We have to talk."

Four small words that can strike big terror into the hearts of lovers everywhere.

But we don't need to be afraid when we are armed with these 7 simple tactics for difficult conversations.

But what IS effective communication? Communicating In Relationships

Paul Watzlawyck said, "One cannot not communicate," and that has stuck with me ever since I read it at the tender age of 14. 

Thirty-five years later, and I'm still learning. 

But there's communicating, and there's communicating EFFECTIVELY. 

I say that in order to communicate effectively in your relationships, you need to understand what communication IS (and what it isn't). We'll look at: 

  1. HOW do we communicate? 
  2. What information do we communicate?
  3. Did they understand? 

ALL of these things play a factor, and when looked at separately can create a powerful framework for successful communication with those we love. 

High Context VS Low Context: Communicating In Relationships

"Why can't they just be direct?!?" 😫
"I heard exactly what you meant!" 😡 
"Why you gotta be so rude and blunt?" 😭 

If these were Jeopardy clues, the winning question would be "What are phrases heard in high context/low context relationships?" 

It's SO frustrating! Literally the first 34 years of my life were spent not understanding why people couldn't just say what they meant, or why people were reading so much more into what I said than I...said.

And I spent the next 7 years or so slowly figuring it out.

Now, I slip up once in a while, but I'm so much better than I was. And in this LIVE I'll share with you where high context and low context people (or situations) clash and why and what YOU can do about it in your relationships.

Is Trust Earned? Or Is it Given?

In my boundaries class and book, I say, "When you trust yourself, you can trust others too," and that trust is really knowing that you can survive and THRIVE whatever is thrown at you.

But is trust earned? It is given? 

Maybe both?

One Bad Ass B*tch (Or Whatever)

At every moment in your life, you can make a choice: A choice to no longer be someone's little bitch (unless that's your kink—in which case, don't let me yuck your yum). 

To set or enforce your boundaries. 

To decide that what YOU think of you is more important than what they think of you.

The Art of Toilet Paper Bondage: Behavior Modification in Power Exchange Relationships 

My Power, Your Power, June 2021

Creating Living Contracts For Your Power Exchange Relationship

My Power, Your Power, June 2021

A Women In Charge Workshop Intensive

I'll work with all of you—dominants, submissives, switches, and the curious, whether you are partnered or still seeking your best-fit relationship—on a deep dive into what the ideal woman in charge relationship looks like to you, how to find it, create it, maintain it, and, of course, troubleshoot it.

We start off with a discussion about Women in Charge relationships, and the many varied forms they can take. We dive into what YOU want and what would work best with your personality, and how to either find that or create it with the partner you have. 

I then go on to  talk about communication in a woman-led power exchange dynamic. What are some of the tips and tricks that has worked for me over the years, and what has worked for you (or what hasn't?). 

I'll share thoughts about handling conflict in and out of the power exchange, so you have solid tools on how to create happiness and harmony in your relationships. 

Finally, we'll talk about some parallel kinks to Women in Charge, and how to integrate those into your lifestyle. How to ask for and talk about your fantasies and what you want and need. We'll look at the power of good leadership, and what it means to be a submissive partner to a strong woman.

Love Hurts! But does it? Does it, really?

"Love hurts, love scars. Love wounds and marks..." So Joan Jett taught me in 1990.

And, well, it's catchy and it's got that sort of angsty rage that is SOOOOO compelling (especially when you're a teenager, like I was at the time). Nazareth said it 20 years before, and the Everly Brothers ten years before that That's three generations (and more) taught to fear love through lovesick harmonies and lyrics.

Even while I was writing this description, I sang along to all three versions. They're that good. But what if...and stay with me here...what if love DOESN'T hurt Or, more importantly, we didn't believe that love would alway hurt us, and instead believed love would bring only positivity to our lives? Join me for a different look at love and what it can really mean to your life, and make up your own mind. *smiles*

For More Love & Better Dating, Get Curious!

Don't get invested in your dating, get curious!

in·vest provide or endow someone or something with (a particular quality or attribute). That's the last thing you want to do when you're dating. Because frankly, you may be wrong. At the very least, you'll blind yourself to the truths you're shown. Worst case scenario, you'll find yourself in a relationship gone down a horribly wrong path, even taking a dangerous turn.

cu·​ri·​ous
1a. marked by desire to investigate and learn
1b. marked by inquisitive interest in others' concerns

When you get curious about people, you open yourself up to the possibility that ANYTHING could be true, and you can actually enjoy the process of getting to know people and dating, without the weight or frustration of trying to fit them into a specific box.

Having Tough Conversations: Communicating In Relationships

"We have to talk."

Four small words that can strike big terror into the hearts of lovers everywhere.

But we don't need to be afraid when we are armed with these 7 simple tactics for difficult conversations. 

"But I've tried that before! It didn't work."

You've probably tried it all. Or at least a lot of it.

But let me ask you a question: did you try walking once when you were a year (or so) old, and then give up, because "it didn't work"?

Did you ride your bike successfully first try, pop that wheelie, and go hands-free?

What about that one time in bad camp...?

LOL! Forget that last one. I'm sure you get my point.

But, you know, I've been there. And I'm going to talk about why some of that advice didn't work, even though it does work, and why some of it is just 💩, and how to tell the difference.

I'll be answering your questions about what it takes to be lucky in love!

Being Interesting VS Being Beautiful 

Dating can suck, especially when you're not drop-dead gorgeous. 

Amirite? Yep. 

HOWEVER, there are other options, BETTER options that I'll share with you in this LIVE that you can use to your advantage to connect with others for love, friendship, or...whatever.

"A relationship is 50/50" *cough cough* Bullsh*t!

50/50 is bogus. It’s equal effort for unspectacular rewards.

  • It’s tit-for-tat. And that relationship style sucks:
  • I do something good for you, and then I wait around until you do something good for me, in equal measure. 

Also, you do something bad to me, and I do something equally heinous back. 

How Being A Selfish Sh*t Brought Me MORE Love Than I Ever Dreamed

"Marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy."

"A true marriage (and true love) is never about you." 

[Insert record scratching noise here] 

SAY WHUT? 

Oh. No. 

NO. NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

It's advice like this that really fudges up our understanding of what healthy relationships are really like. 

Look, I'm not against making people happy. That's part of me being happy MOST of the time. But I am STRONGLY against making others happy instead of me, ahead of me.

And it's my opinion that if you find yourself in a relationship where making your partner happy is not also something you really really enjoy and that fills you up, it's time to reexamine.

Absolutes Are THE WORST! Communicating In Relationships

Absolutes can kill a conversation and hopes of understanding each other DEAD. 

Let's talk about what is an absolute, what can SOUND like an absolute when temperatures and running high, and how to avoid killing your relationship conversations. 

Lucky In Love: Win! (Or Fail Spectacularly.)

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like the other person was phoning it in?

Doing the bare minimum? 

Holding back?

Not committing?

What about you? Are you 'all in,' or do you prefer to play it safe(r)?

What IS an Orgasm? Sensuality, Sex & Orgasms 

We want orgasms. We want more orgasms. We want better orgasms. 

But what ARE they, and do we really care? 

I do. Because understanding how an orgasm works can help unravel how to have more and better and different and...well, all the good things we desire solo or with others. 

I'll share some of the science of orgasms with you in this LIVE, and some of my own thoughts and interpretations that have changed my own experiences radically over the years.

I'll be answering your questions about maximizing your pleasure, based on my book, "Next Stop: O-Town, A roadmap to your orgasm and sexual release."